God Alaina, what have you done... I daresay if I didn't blizzard there I would have no reason to be so proud.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

I'm back, bitches.

Some people fucked with Danny. No one fucks with Danny, no one. It was a time for retribution...

The Wizard Strikes Back, With A Vengeance.

It began like any other night. I was at Ponger's, our night club. It was the biggest night club in Utah. Ponger's was a massive three story dance floor with bars and tables scattered about them. I was on the second floor leaning against the bar which had a view overlooking the first floor. It was packed, as it always was. I had my tight, silk, 600 dollar shirt unbuttoned half way, to show off my muscular, tanned pectorals and my thick 24k gold chain. I was chatting up my toy for the night while "The Power of Love" blasted over our sound system.

She was a graduate student at U of U. Her blonde hair fell past her neck and she twirled a strand of it around her finger as she fucked me with her eyes. She had a model's face, a genius' brain and a porn stars chest, which she had assured me earlier, was real. Anything less wasn't worth my time. Her dressed hugged her about as tight as I was about to when I railed her in the penthouse suite. But first, the game had to be played, and luckily I'm raid leader of this game too.

"Mr. Pong -" she began

"Please, call me Lee." I interrupted as I brushed a locke of her hair from her face.

"Lee," she echoed, clearly pleased by my dismissal of the formalities. "Tell me again about how you took down the crime lord Yu Chen."

I smiled and edged closer to her, about to launch into another telling of the tale that made me into a legend. Well, an even bigger legend. When Mary, Aratar's girlfriend, stumbled up to the bar with tears in her eyes.

"Lee!" she sobbed. "They've got Danny..."

Monday, November 06, 2006

Fucking Hummydew

As you underlings may or may not know, I have recently taken a break from WoW to lead an undersea expedition in an attempt to salvage the sunken spanish armada, and it's gold.

However, due to the inept crewmen it has taken months longer than expected, I have docked many dkp from these cock blocks. One day I was sitting in my strategy room, when I decided to go for a swim. I used my asian powers to transform myself into a ghost turtle and swam through the wall of the sub into the ocean.

I was swimming along happily, feeling the cool ocean water across my shell, when suddenly out of nowhere this fat bitch scooped me up!

She carried me around her ship, her thunderous footsteps shaking the ship, and causing odd metallic jingling from her nether region.

Only after 2 hours of explaining my plan with extreme redundancy was I able to finally escape.

Fucking Hummydew

As you underlings may or may not know, I have recently taken a break from WoW to lead an undersea expedition in an attempt to salvage the sunken spanish armada, and it's gold.

However, due to the inept crewmen it has taken months longer than expected, I have docked many dkp from these cock blocks. One day I was sitting in my strategy room, when I decided to go for a swim. I used my asian powers to transform myself into a ghost turtle and swam through the wall of the sub into the ocean.

I was swimming along happily, feeling the cool ocean water across my shell, when suddenly out of nowhere this fat bitch scooped me up!

She carried me around her ship, her thunderous footsteps shaking the ship, and causing odd metallic jingling from her nether region.

Only after 2 hours of explaining my plan with extreme redundancy was I able to finally escape.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Stick it to the man!

So all you guys may know the little inciddent, known as "The Sundering" where the weak and pathetic were seperated from the strong and the devoted. Raiding Rainbow was formed from the filth that was purified from RCW. I have quit raid leading for awhile, but only so that I can prefect my C'thun strategy in my virtual 3D simulator.

I was working on my coefficent of the tenticles calculation (Quantum physics) when the phone rang. It seems that my good friend and old raiding companion Fu Dong Xi, who lives in China has been restricted by the Government to playing WoW 10 hours a day.

10 hours a day!?! It's outrageous, that's barely enough time to get the Ouro Strat Perfected to the point where the main tank doesn't even take 10 points damage the entire fight. I took off my virtual reality helmet, my power gloves, and hopped on a one way trip to China.

I met Fu Dong Xi and we marched on the Parliament buildings, gathering followers who had heard of my raid leading skills on the way. I lead this RL raid at the parliament buildings and after explaining the encounter (guards fire bullets, no battle rezzes and long rez timers [eternity]) we began the encounter by throwing a chair at the guard sitting in the small guard house. We stormed the building and beat several City Officals into submission, with my skills at raid leading.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Don't Fuck with the Pongs.

I had to leave my strategy hall. My room filled with charsts and maps and my computer. I had to set the mic down, stop yelling at Gull, stop docking DKP... Noone fucks with the Pongs.

My father owns a small restaurant on the edge of China Town. Pong's Noodles. Some fuckers came in and stuck him up. They had guns, and my father is elderly and couldn't defend the place as they ransacked it, stole all the money. Well guess who pays for the internet around here? I'm too busy leading R-FUCKING-CW to worry about money, or food. Those are provided to me, as reward for my amazing raid leading abilities.

So, prepare for

My brother, Avelia, is friends with someone, lets call him Bobbi Wei. Bobbi is a good guy, but some of his friends are in some fucking gangs. I believed these gangs had connections to the robbery. I knew exactly where asian gangsters liked to hang out. I jumped into my Honda Civic and drove off.

I arrived at the arcade a few minutes later, I saw them, 9 asians, all crowded around the latest DDR machine. I stepped up the join them... the front of all their heads were bleached blonde and parted to the sides, they wore track jackets, blue jeans or track pants, some had side ways baseball caps. All of them had a blue bandana either on their head or tied around their arm. They all turned to look at me, when one of them spoke

"Sup Chink?" one of them said to me.

"I'm here about my father's store getting robbed, word is that you guys might know something about it" I replied.

He took the cigarrette from behind his ear and put it in his mouth. "You got beef?" he questioned me.

Then I realized that they had all worked their way into a circle around myself and their leader. "I don't want any trouble, just some informa-" I stopped short, spinning in a roundhouse kick I hit them 4 of them in the head and they flew back unconcious. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the 5 d20s carved from stone (I roll these to determine how many DKP someone loses when they don't corpse run back) and threw them into the face of their leader. He stumbled back bloodied from the dice. I ducked under the arm of the attacker to my right and he punched his buddy right in the jaw. I uppercut hit in the armpit and then jabbed him three times in the face with my other hand. I leaned foward to shove him through the glass window of the arcade, when one of other ones brought both his hands down into my back winding me.

I rolled over to the bar, dodging his stomp and kicked a bar stool at his face. He raised his hands to block my make-shift missile. I kicked my way back up and hurled the other stool, no amount of blocking could stop that, the stool slammed his arms into his chest and he did a back flip landing hard on his face. As the stool recoiled off his arms I jumped on it in mid air, rebounded and missile kicked the last one in the face, breaking his nose, jaw and FACE.

I was about to finish off the ones on the ground when their leader called from the floor "Stop!"

I put down the DDR machine I was about to smash one of the unconcious thugs with and looked over at him. "Alright alright" he said through bloodied teeth "I'll tell you want you want, just don't break the DDR machine"

"Alright" I replied with a smirk "Who robbed my Pong's Noodles?"
"It was Yu Chen, owner of the Red Dragon."
"Why would a rich casino owner rob my father's quaint noodle emporium?"
"Your father was cutting in on his chain of restaurants"

I rubbed my chin, looks like I was going to have to take out this Chen guy myself. But I was going to need some backup.

"Alright I said, as long as you stay out of trouble and just TRY to beat my DDR score" I pointed at the machine as the high scores rolled by and at #1 was LWP with 10303268205831.

As the asian thugs stood with their mouths gaping at my awesome score I walked out the arcade. My Civic's doors unlocked with a beep and I drove towards my house.

20 minutes later Avelia, armed with his digital camera, and myself, armed with a large piece of lumber taken from our work in progress for 5 years now back porch, were on our way to the Red Dragon Casino and Bar.

I parked in the handicapped stop and picked up the Valet with one hand and threw him 15 feet, into the bushes. "Follow me" I said to Avelia who nodded understandingly.

I looked to the space closer to the entrance than the handicapped and saw a very nice silver sports car, which probably cost more than our house. The sign in front of it said "Reserved for Yu Chen" I used my crude weapon and bashed the fuck out of it, smashing the tail lights windows, and stereo, then I maimed that car, just what I was going to do to the man.

We bounded up the huge flight of stairs, which lead to the grand ornately carved doors of the Red Dragon. They were cherry red wood, each with a dragon facing towards each other. The roof of the casino curved in a traditional chinese architecture, but huge to contain this giant casino. Two large men stood at the door in black suits.

"Wha' did you do to our parking boy?" said the large blonde buzz cut one on the left, reaching into his belt behind his back.

"And Mister Chen's Car?" said the tanned one with his dark hair tied back into a pony tail to the right, reaching into his jacket.

I judo chopped him in the next, at the same time Avelia did it to the one on the right. Their guns clattered on the stone steps, and we threw their bodies down them aswell. I pushed open the huge double doors, one with each hand and strode with a purpose into the huge casino floor.

The place was huge, blackjack, poker, craps, roulette, and all types of tables and slot machines were all over the luxurious red carpet. The place was jam packed as the huge circle room was just filled with people cramped around all the tables. At the far end of his room were two circling stair cases that lead to next floor up, behind double guarded doors was a huge window, I knew Yu was behind there.

We took one step in and a dozen black clad huge men walked down the stairs and jogged over to us. As soon as they began to reach into their jackets I knew we had been seen. I knocked over a craps table and pulled Avelia beside me just as the shots and screams started. As mass of people ran for the door, providing us the perfect cover. Reaching around our barrier I scooped up the dice that had been discarded in the mad rush for safety. Jumping in the air I hurled two of them, each one hitting one of the gunmen in the left eye killing him. I rolled away as bullets impacted behind me and ducked behind another overturned table.

I heard grunts and moans of pain and knew Avelia had used my distraction well; peaking up I saw him in the middle of the 10 remaining men and was punching and kicking with all the fury of the ancient Pong stance all of us were taught from a young age. Covered the 10 metres of distance I had ran in a single flip, spreading my legs I kicked two of the gunmen in the necks, snapping them and brought my club down on anothers head, imploding his brain.

Avelia ducked under one of their punches and elbowed him in the gut, grabbed his shirt with one hand and brought him down on the others body. Landing on his lands he spun his legs in a circle and knocked the last of the thugs down.

After snapping the last mans gun in my fist we ran to those double doors, which were no longer guarded. We pushed them open and saw him. Yu sat in a large leather chair behind a desk with all sorts of controls and expensive stationary on it. All around him were monitors, computer desks and other controls related to the security of his Casino.

He was short, shorter than I, and was thin. His hair was cut short and he wore a fine silk black suit. He smiled at us "Well the Pong brothers are here, to finally avenge their father."

"Why, why did you do it?" Avelia asked, his eyes burning with asian rage.
"Business is business."

With that both he lept at us. I was taken aback at how fast this little man could cross the huge room, I had just gotten into the Agressive Raid Leader stance when his flurry of kicks and punches drove me back, I blocked and dodged as best I could but once one connected, they all did. I flew back landing hard on one of the computer consols.

Avelia faired better, while he was beating me down he managed to get inside his defenses and kicked him in the back. Almost without reaction he whirled around and backhanded Avelia across the mouth, but my brother managed to block the knee and countered with a quick kick. Yu lept over the kick and kicked him in the head. Avelia counted, dodged and responded as best he could, but Yu was much faster and stronger; all of Avelia's attacks were stopped or dodged and all of his were connecting. With one final uppercut Avelia flew and handed on top of me on the consol, just as I was recovered and about to assit him.

"Ha ha ha you fools bring shame upon the Pong Style of Battle!" He laughed "Give up now and I'll give you a painless death!"

I looked and Avelia, and he looked back at me... it was over.

I hugged my brother while we stood on the computer desk in a final goodbye.. and then we both lept at him in a double pong missile kick of ultimate destruction. Even Yu could not stand against such a devistatingly powerful attack he simply exploded, gore flying all over the room. We landed panting and staring down at his smoldering italian shoes. I wiped what was once a piece of the man's spleen off my face and sighed "It's over"

Avelia and I took one last look around the room, and exited, it was time to go home.

Then I yelled at Gull for using the words "Missile Kick" 18 times in one sentence... which was about a really spicy burrito he ate one time.

Monday, February 27, 2006


We all fcuking did it. We fucking clered all the wya to Twinn Emperoors. Fucking yehaAhcaron came over ad we hda some shit to drink. He broguht 4['s. FUCK YHEA. Gluu game by too. I fuking love that guy. Acharoun is in teh middel and Gull on the right..e, I ma soi proud right now, so veyr very proud. I loev my guild so muchg right now.

I tihnk I drunk a litle too mche. But wen your radi leader of RWCW, who geivs a fuck1

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Visiting Grandma Pong

I have a table in my room. A large oak table, strewn with maps of encounter rooms, different strategies and large stacks of paper covered with statistics of damage vs mobs, damage vs bosses, precise descriptions of mobs and how much damage they do compared to how much defense and resistance you have, flight times comparing different routes, direct and indirect, and much much much more. I draw my fine maps with all types of geography tools, I bought them for my Master's Degree class for Math, but who has time for schooling when there is a raid to lead!

But I was drawn away from my table and strategy making for a visit to my Grandma. My parents said they'd cut off my internet if I didn't visit her... don't they know that have responsibilities? I have a raid to lead! Strategies to make, and when I have to DKP to take away! She's old, she won't appreciate my abilities!

But Grandma had a gift waiting for me... she knew how much I liked a certain white fluffy paper, and I always keep a large supply with me. BUT THE DAMN HAG GOT ME PAPER TOWERS!

I'll use this crap to mop up the tears of Candy Keane, I turned her down when she phoned me to come over while I recording how much each frost bolt rank did against Anubisath Sentinels depending on distance, angle and every gear combination possible, my work cannot wait for the pleasures of flesh woman!

Battleguard Satura DOWN!

Well we did it, and I am very very proud of them. We managed to down the bitch. Despite the noobs not getting out of the way, or stunning. Or just sitting in the whirlwind... or RUNNING back into the fucking group when they got aggro, wipping us. The fucking mages blinked back into the group and ice-blocked guess what's going to happen? Fuck other mages are useless. As you can guess, we got some very nice loot from Satura, very nice indeed.

So in order to preserve this feeling, after the raid some of us from RCW got together and reinacted the fight, in a LARPing manner. We fought and clashed with our foam swords, and Vincent couldn't get the positioning right, since the park bench and and trees made the LARP area a bit different then the actually room. But after numerous wipes, we managed to overcome her (we hit her 50 times with our foam swords and axes before she hit us all once) And we all walked away with our loot.

That is myself in the middle, Sumatai in the front and Alaina in the back.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Mages, god you are useless.

Sometimes I wonder what I have gotten into... The curse of Suhail during Nefarion should be decursed immediatly; It drains our healers mana unnesserly and which should be used when Nef reachs 20%. Our useless mages were not decursing the debuff... I don't think they have ever been so useless before. They don't buff other groups, some don't conjure water.... FUCK.

Not only that but the fucking guild is talking in guild chat when we are supposed to be raiding. People are talking about nintendo or some shit while our main tank died, OUR FUCKING MAIN TANK DIED. We play world of warcraft not some super smash metroid shit. If you want to talk about nintendo then you don't come on the raid, if you want to dick around and can't concentrate then it is better that you decline the invite and save us the 4g repair bill and the wasted time.

My good friend Aratar decided to me to my favourite anime club, since I was so angry about Wiping on Nef yesterday. We had a great time, I dressed up like my favourite Anime Character INUYASHA, Aratar went as some white guy in a toque.

My cardboard sword is pretty badass. I saw some asian school girls glancing my way at the bus stop, they wanted me. But I'm too busy with my raid leading to worry about girls throwing themselves at me.